he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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