maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Text me some of your sweat
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize