I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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