Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
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I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
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I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize