He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
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I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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