I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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