what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize