I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize