Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
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Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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