if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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