someone threw a dead crab at me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
4 words: hood of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
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