if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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