tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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