I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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