I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Randomize