I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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