i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
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I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
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He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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