It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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