i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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