so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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