someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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