There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
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Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Couch. On fire.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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