please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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