hotel room ftw
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize