My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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