You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
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Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
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Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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