i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
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bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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