turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Holy shit dude........stairs
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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