he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
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Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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