i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
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I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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