dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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