so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize