first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
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just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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