Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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