why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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