how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
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Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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