She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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