If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize