Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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