4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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