my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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