Swine flu. Run for my life!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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