just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
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