I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
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he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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