you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize