He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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