You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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