Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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