Texts From Last Night

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  (903): View more from Texas

  Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"

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  (903): Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R" http://tfl.nu/2koa
  Replies (50) Good night (5561) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?

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  (214): I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him? http://tfl.nu/482n
  Replies (87) Good night (893) Bad night (9849) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.

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  (913): I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago. http://tfl.nu/uh8m
  Replies (35) Good night (13606) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment

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  (310): based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment http://tfl.nu/srdh
  Replies (31) Good night (1219) Bad night (11746) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled

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  (609): There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled http://tfl.nu/cbhx
  Replies (8) Good night (5102) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.

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  (810): Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/9d1q
  Replies (25) Good night (1724) Bad night (5392) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.

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  (914): My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off. http://tfl.nu/9ogm
  Replies (11) Good night (1729) Bad night (3988) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."

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  (717): He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird." http://tfl.nu/0yzz
  Replies (9) Good night (687) Bad night (3099) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.

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  (402): Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy. http://tfl.nu/5n13
  Replies (5) Good night (1541) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?

  (425): View more from Washington

  Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.

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  (206): What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again? (425): Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing. http://tfl.nu/l4cd
  Replies (11) Good night (4417) Bad night (541)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?

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  (401): Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...? http://tfl.nu/zp7y
  Replies (3) Good night (2214) Bad night (635)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language

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  (580): My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language http://tfl.nu/nvb4
  Replies (4) Good night (1537) Bad night (424)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person

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  (816): I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person http://tfl.nu/5a3b
  Replies (2) Good night (986) Bad night (303) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night

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  (847): She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night http://tfl.nu/5dv7
  Replies (8) Good night (1321) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.

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  (360): I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise. http://tfl.nu/2iu1
  Replies (7) Good night (1377) Bad night (190)

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