Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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